Thursday 19 July 2012

Chapter 2.3

Chicken Licken, Henny Penny, Goosey Loosey and Turkey Lurkey were making haste through the forest for a far away land when they chanced upon Foxy Loxy.
  “Allo, allo, allo. What have we here then?” asked Foxy Loxy.
  “What ho, Foxy Loxy!” returned Turkey Lurkey, who was something of a P.G. Wodehouse fan.
  “The sky is falling in,” blurted Chicken Licken. “And we are off to tell the Queen!”
  “Are you quite mad?” Foxy Loxy asked, staring aghast at the young bird while his compatriots stared awkwardly at their feet. “Prince Philip would shoot you before you got within a hundred yards of the palace.”
  “The sky’s not really falling in.” Henny Penny told him, shaking her head sadly at Chicken Licken, who was hopping anxiously from foot to foot.
  “But it is raining tortoiseshells and frankfurters.” Goosey Loosey added, enthusiastically.
  Foxy Loxy raised one eyebrow. “Is this some colloquial way of saying that it’s raining cats and dogs?”
  Goosey Loosey shook his head. “No.”
  “Raining cats and dogs is a colloquialism in itself,” said Turkey Lurkey, who was something of a pedant.
  “And we don’t mean tortoiseshells as in cats," clarified Goosey Loosey, "but rather as in shells belonging to tortoises.” He paused. “And frankfurters as in sausages.”
  Foxy Loxy raised the other eyebrow. “Raining animal carapaces and processed foodstuffs? It sounds like something fishy is afoot, and I’m not just talking about old Joe Goat’s bunions." He drew himself to full height, head aloft. "I have a nose for these things.”
  “You have a nose for fishy sounds?” asked Chicken Licken, who was still slightly concussed and more than a little confused.
  “No," Foxy smiled. "But I do think that this is a matter for the police. You’d better come with me to the police station and make a statement.”
  Henny Penny eyed him suspiciously. “Is this where you actually lead us to your den and we get eaten by you and your family for dinner?”
  “No, no,” Foxy Loxy protested. “You are thinking of my evil twin brother, Foxy Woxy. He’s the black sheep of the family.”
  “Your brother’s a sheep?!” Chicken Licken was totally lost by now.
  Foxy Loxy flashed them a badge that he had on a chain round his neck. “I’m a bona fide police animal investigator now.”
  “That’s disgusting!” Henny Penny cried. “Those poor police dogs. Does Mrs Loxy know?”
  “Bona fid-ee.” Goosey Loosey whispered to her.
  “Oh. Sorry.” Henny Penny returned to staring at her feet, embarrassed.
  “It’s true, he does work for the police,” confirmed Turkey Lurkey, who had been watching the discourse with wry amusement. He turned to Foxy Loxy. “Where’s Weasel?”
  “I’m here,” came a morose voice from a pile of leaves.
  “What ho, Weasel!" hollered Turkey Lurkey. "What are you doing down there?”
  Weasel sighed. “I figured everyone would just ignore me anyway, so I thought I’d save some embarrassment.”
  Henny Penny had eyed up Foxy Loxy’s badge with one beady eye, while keeping the other on the fox himself. “Good enough for me,” she said. “Let’s go.”
  So Foxy Loxy led Chicken Licken, Henny Penny, Goosey Loosey, Turkey Lurkey and Weasel to his den, where he and his family had them all (except Weasel) for dinner.

Chapter 2.4 ☛

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